right, guess imma blog now while waiting for facebook pictures to load. well, 6th of november, an awesome day! went out with nad, jun, dee, ary, andru to science centre. i guess going there when you're a teenager is much more enjoyable since you know what you're seeing unlike my primary school days, i dont even know all those science stuffs. well, all of us behaved like as if we've not gone there and in other words, behaved in childish manner. ah well, its all in the name of fun. oh yeah, 4th of november <3 hmm, some photos here, more in facebook ^^ uhh, another thing, the next time i'll be blogging, is the next time i have something fun to talk about, which may be few days/weeks/months from now. ah well, im lazy, what do you expect huh? -.^

results i kinda flunked my results badly. came home with my dead face and mak was like, 'eh why like no mood? results eh?' i ignored her query, didn't wanna disappoint her any further but as far as i can see, mother knows best. oh God, help me promote :( well, got this Canon EOS 1000D. damn freaking awesome lah. hmm, came up with a song of my own but no lyrics and nad came and helped me out since she's good with the words and im good with the rhythm, so why not we combined? hehe, fun stuff. these days have been spent hearing malay songs. haiyo. i hate blogging now, i don't know why.

Ku cuba pejam mata tapi tak terlena,
Keranaku masih teringat pada mu,
Begitu payah nya nak ku melupakan,
Pernah kah kau memikirkan oh sayang..

mom asked me to change clothes and accompany her to NTUC but she still lay on the sofa, reading newspaper. HAIYO. well as you can see, finally my computer is working! i hope when im using this comp, the monitor wont shut off again like it used to. well, exams are amazingly over a week ago but the feeling of getting the results will soon lead to despair. damn, im scared. ah well. yesterday went cycling with nad, hud, dee, syak. was kinda fun despite some stuffs happening. and i think im sick again. mind you, this flu has been happening and not been cured for over 3 weeks already. HEH.

well believe it or not, i realised ive been going around on my own almost everyday. roaming pasir ris, not knowing where to go. sometimes i head to pasir ris beach. looking out at the ocean with my songs on makes me feel dead. i don't know why, i just do feel dead. the more i stand near the water, the more i felt as though its pulling me. then i walked around, sat around, looking and observing people with my wicked thoughts. though its fun with a companion, being alone actually makes you feel great because you dont have to force a smile or think of a conversation to talk to. you just have to be yourself. awesome eh.

oh my, been long since ive touched this keyboard buttons! had malay/english paper 2. was really managable. alhamdullilah. now for a/e maths & pure sciences. GO NAS! :D

today is awesome shit. duty, boring as per normal. had PE. fun time playing floorball! had a great time laughing and falling down. then was english. talks about exam while i wrote poetry about someone, heh. then mother tongue. was okay, talk about exam as well while me & sak discuss for jalan raya. then recess, made card for amirul. then maths. was okay, still could not understand Trigonometric Functions but better during the tutorial that ms juwaidah had for us. i so want ms juwaidah compared to raj. i understand her methods better, damn. then suddenly heard amirul kena bash with water. then i ran to central to buy flour. then the guys bashed him while me & nad sat one place. then they bought flour & eggs. rabak siah amirul. went home after that. i realized that people do change no matter if the person's your close friend or not. damn.

im blogging for the second time. i just don't know why. letting it all out, but not directly. well, sigh. all this stuffs are not only making me sick in the head, but sick in the heart as well. i felt a sharp pain in it whenever i noticed something problematic rising. all these problems made up a big mountain on top of my small brain. people didnt know. people thought i could go on with life. carefree as ever. but no, i'm not. i suffer and only God knows how much pain i go through. i know, people got problems as well. i chose not to show every single emotion of mine cause it'll hurt everyone more. i've cause people to have bad feelings towards me. not that i didnt realise, i do. its just, i can't control my speech. i had alot on my mind and this caused me to not think that properly. i apologise, i really do. i believe every problems i had and will have makes me a better and stronger person even if it was resolved or not. therefore, from this belief, i received alot of oncoming problems. i just be thankful to God for this cause i know, everything he throws to me and everytime i suffer, its still Him who brings me out of it. i may sound senseless when im saying this but deep down i know im speaking my heart out. eventhough you guys dont understand, what matters most is i do and i had let it all out. this sounds even stupid, everytime i see my loved ones in their sorrows, i create a scar on me, just to kill the pain i had inside me. i'm serious, so just imagine how much scars i contain. im gonna watch my mouth from now. and im not gonna be the one organising no more nor will i be the one talking much. i'm sorry for the change but its time. the feeling of leaving everybody is getting stronger beneath my soul. i feel like as if God's pulling me more and more. well, now im gonna go all bonkers on my bed which also means, listening to sad and depressing songs to let it all flow through me.

oh man. exams arriving but i just haven't got the mood. mum's been bugging me to study and i gave her the 'dead' face. nas, set your focus! well, today was pretty boring. had CD. did group work with jun, sak, rhazin. it became fun when sak told us ghost stories from different movies. and omg, i cant remember a thing until recess. well, we didnt makan instead we studied at foyer. thats when i saw someone. gosh, brought back memories. didn't even look. sighs. then went for physics. group work, fun cause of jokes. then went for maths. test, bah, failure. head to downtown to get my mcspicy. then head back school for geography. sigh, i hate to say this, but i do miss you. hari raya pictures, more in facebook i guess.

school, making me frust more. exams coming, results sucks, what to do? i was born to lose. stuffs happen, i don't wish to think about it. but the more i put aside the thoughts, the more it came back to me. well yesterday, someone talked to me for the very first time. hell yeah, i'm happy and pleased. but somehow today, something changed my perspective of him. oh man, i'm afraid to fall for you anymore. i hate to repeat the past. i thought you were the one and somehow something showed me too, but somehow i guess i was wrong, yet again. sighs, what to do with this life im leading? everyone's so happy and carefree, im hoping to be like them, but everything turns out fake and wrong. im trying and trying but still could not succeed. oh God, please help me. i asked for a negative situation to happen to me last time and you granted it. now please, make me paralyzed so i won't have to see the ones i love anymore. dying seems much more less painful than not being able to do anything when you're still living. God, please grant my desire. just THAT desire.

woah, didnt blogged for long. busy with hari raya. first day walked till 3am in the morning and suddenly the next day, woke up early. not much rest. then second day, reached around 11. then today had to go school. tired much. this year hari raya was not really enthusiast since its during schooling days and working days. bleh. guess i'll just enjoy in while it lasts. and thank god, first day my collection reached $105! woohoo, yesterday jalan didnt count and today also. just waiting for everyone to get ready and off to eat & collect some more money! *big smiles*

well, school today was pretty much fine. im trying to act as if nothing's happen. i'll make a move soon, when the time's right. chem was okay, did new chapter. could understand, thank god. then english. summary again, boring to the max. physics then. new chapter too but the lesson was better, i guess. recess, most fun. sat and suddenly me, jun, nad, sak, syak started playing with $0.50 coins. hehe. we were challenging who's coin drop first and who can make a collision with another coin. childish much, but thats how we find happiness. geo, cher didnt come. maths, raj taught curves & circles. we didnt know he started alr but suddenly he said, 'thats the end of the topic.' everyone was cheering but that followed up with shocked comments. bleh. didn't went band, accompanied mom and kakak but stuffs. things are getting better with someone. but not the one i care for. its okay, i'll be patient.

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you,
then one person, no different from any other person, wanders into your stupid life.
You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day, like smile at you,
and then your life isn't your own anymore.
Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness,
so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends'
turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
I hate love.